"Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously." 2 Corinthians 9:6
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Funny how often I've forgotten about that verse (and then complained when I did nothing and--gasp--reaped nothing). Or tried to find a different way, outsmarting God's plans and ways and designs.
But there's just no getting around verses like that one, though Heaven knows I've tried.
It often takes me days or weeks to answer emails and then I've complained that my friends sure do take forever to write back.
Some years I've spent little money and time working on my yard and then driven around town questioning why my neighbors have such beautiful flower gardens yet I don't.
I've not left many comments at other peoples' blogs and then wondered why my own comment box was like an empty canyon.
I have this weird thing about not liking to phone people yet I've sulked when friends never call me.
I've been critical and unmerciful toward others and then questioned why others were critical and unmerciful toward me.
Someday I plan to stop trying to get around biblical principles. Probably God will throw confetti and blow horns in celebration.
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That's Naomi in the middle of her two friends, Andrea and Matt.
About a million years ago.
Have you ever tried to slow down time? I tried. I'd sit on the couch and watch Naomi, at six, line-up her stuffed animals, singing under her breath and I'd long for all the hands of all my clocks to stop, even for five minutes. Just give me five minutes, I'd think, five motionless minutes to memorize Naomi just as she is right now, today. Five minutes longer to bask in this moment which will, one day, belong to the time of Very Long Ago.
But always, I felt that hard press of Time moving forward. Even when later, I stood at the bottom of the stairs, appreciating a teen-age Naomi who played her Beatles records, I still felt like a woman on the edge of the ocean, unable to stop the tide from sweeping back out to where it had begun. I could not appreciate moments enough and I never was able to stop a single one.
And even though Naomi lived with us for 25 years, and yes, beyond the time which experts consider kosher--still there was that press of Time. Still it all went by in a blur even though I took pictures and sat memorizing Naomi at 6, 10, 14 and 20. Even though I chauffeured her to Tai Kwon Do and beyond and sat, alone, on the front porch in evenings and told myself, year after year, to treasure Now, because Now would not always be like it currently is.
Even then it all sped by like a train rumbling down a track.
But then, childhood and Life are like that.
Here's one thing I've learned--there is faithfulness and then there is faithfulness.
I mean, if I wrote in this blog every single day (which maybe you noticed I don't), I would be quite the little faithful blogger, indeed.
Or would I?
For me, personally, the answer is a sure "No. No, it would actually be unfaithful of me to blog every single day."
Because you see, I try only to post here when 1.) I feel God is giving me something specific to say or 2.) When I sense God's giving me permission to write about any ol' thing I happen to be thinking about. And for nearly two years, I've experienced much peace in trying to follow those two directives.
So what about the days when I'm hearing neither of those things? What if, to remain true to my (legalistic) idea of faithful blog-keeping, I just blast past God's directions for me straight through to my own idea of what faithfulness looks like?
Well, for me, that would equal disobedience, otherwise known as unfaithfulness (no matter what it looks like to anyone else).
For me, faithfulness to things is what used to burn me out barely after even 'leaving the gate.' Doing ones own thing, ones own way, nearly always requires some kind of price to be paid someday.
Been there, done that the whole first half of my life.
Now, instead, I'm finding that faithfulness to God--obedience--is the way to go. There's just something calming about obedience to God.
For one thing, God knows me best and He knows how much is too much for me. He also knows exactly just how much time I have/don't have and He's concerned that I stay balanced.
So, always, His ideas and goals will lead me in balanced ways.
Obedience comes with godly strength. And it means that the results belong to God.
Always, even now, I remind myself that faithfulness to God is incredibly more important than faithfulness to a task, an idea or a dream. They are not the same.
All the more reason to stick with faithfulness to God. Besides, I'd hate to have my head so consumed by faithfulness to just any old thing and then miss the amazing, custom-made, though hazy-to-me plan God had in mind all along.
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