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-- and last week I finally did. They're even lovelier in-person (a shinier copper color) and already I placed two in my herb garden, one for scallions, another for chives, both which are already thriving in our Spring-like weather.
Please remember: My posts are always about more than they appear to be.
(While reading this I hope you'll ask yourself, "Am I believing something not true?")
***
On Monday we lost Charlie Cat.
Days before, he'd stopped eating and the renal failure and bad heart (the part I didn't tell you) caught up with him. No fistfuls of money can rescue a cat from those so, taking the long way, Tom drove us to the vet again.
The next 4 days? Oh dear. The darkest I'd visited in my mind since an upsetting, unfair time in 2000. This losing a young Charlie felt much worse than our last July's loss of Daniel: at least he'd lived the average length of a tabby.
I tried snapping out of it.
I pictured Charlie in my heavenly house with our earlier cats. Did some gardening. Read books and clung to Jesus every minute (how does anyone survive without Him?).
Yet not until Thursday did the darkness, the anger, the confusion and the temptations for self-pity, disappear. How? That's when I stopped telling myself, "No more cats ever! No more risks. My heart can't handle being shredded again."
Jesus showed me that was a lie. What my heart cannot face is never having another cat curled up beside me on the red couch. Or upstairs here sitting in the window or staring at me from the guest bed.
Those absences are what my heart cannot handle.
And when I finally stopped believing the lie and making decisions based upon fear? Oh Honey, the sunshine in my soul returned. I felt free again, like my good ol' normal, Jesus-set-me-free self.
Maybe, in some months ahead, we'll even get 2 cats(!), as a sign of God restoring double what we'd lost. More work? Yes, but I'd rather feel physically tired than emotionally crushed.
Besides, I'm now planning on being one of Heaven's cat ladies. (You know Heaven has them, right?) ツ So a couple more cats would fit just right.
But here's the thing: I had to reach this place, myself. Oh, a book and even Instagram helped, but mostly as vehicles by which Jesus spoke soothingly to me, personally.
Others' opinions about my next steps, well, I avoided those.
Today's lesson? If we're feeling all wrong inside, perhaps we're believing a lie. Like Jesus said, the truth will set us free.
But only if we release the lie and pick up the truth, instead. And hug it to our heart. Believing.
If the emotions, heart, will, or mind is set against the thing being done, there will be no rest. . .
God never blesses people who run. Wherever they are hiding He finds them and takes them back to what they ran from so they can face it and experience true freedom. God gives us power and wisdom to deal with situations, not to try to escape them. Avoidance is not a godly character trait."
--- Joyce Meyer, from Eat The Cookie, Buy The Shoes: Giving Yourself Permission to Lighten Up
Here's a short (quirky) blog post I wrote in 2005 about self-pity. Boy, did I have to remind myself of that post this past week!
*****
Technically tomorrow is my birthday, but I'm celebrating today by doing my favorite things, mostly alone, around the house and yard. I'd planned these specific activities since last year and am grateful God returned me to truth and light yesterday, just in time to enjoy this day. Whew.
*****
What took me so long? For years I'd wished to buy plant stakes like these--
-- and last week I finally did. They're even lovelier in-person (a shinier copper color) and already I placed two in my herb garden, one for scallions, another for chives, both which are already thriving in our Spring-like weather.
You haven't watched Return to Mayberry in awhile? Here you go. Free.
This woman is like a real-live Hobbit. Such an inspiration and oh my--her bedroom! What a wonder.
*****
Books I finished reading in February (went a bit crazy. Er hem.) --
Sharpe Point by Lisa B. Thomas
Sharpe Edge by Lisa B. Thomas
Sharpe Turn by Lisa B. Thomas
Ghost Town Treasure by Clyde Robert Bulla
Mystery at Star Lake by Margaret Goff Clark
The Slipper Point Mystery by Augusta Hueill Seaman
The Brass Keys of Kenwick by Augusta Hueill Seaman
The Boarded-Up House by Augusta Hueill Seaman
The Disapperance of Anne Shaw by Augusta Hueill Seaman
Three Sides of Paradise Green by Augusta Hueill Seaman
Mystery of Sebastian Island by Margaret Goff Clark
******
This verse helped me realize that, although there are a lot of 'no's' in my life, cats are still a 'yes'--and a good thing from God.
I'm so grateful God does heal our smashed-up, ripped apart heart--and in very customized ways.
*****
***
"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." ... Matthew 6:14,15
Oh Debra. I'm so sorry that you've had such a dark, sad week. And VERY thankful that Jesus showed you a way out of that place. Yes, we said the very same thing when our Chloe died and yet, here we are, in love with this bossy little girl named Zoey. God is SO very good to us.
ReplyDeleteHAPPY BIRTHDAY my dear friend.
"Many happy returns on the day of thy birth, may sunshine and gladness be given. May God in His mercy prepare you on earth, for a beautiful birthday in Heaven"
Blessings and love,
Betsy
Debra, as I read your words, "...when I finally stopped believing the lie and making decisions based upon fear...the sunshine in my soul returned. I felt free again, like my good ol' normal, Jesus-set-me-free-self," something really clicked in me from head to toe. So often, we make decisions-some are big, others not so much, but as a follower of Jesus, I defer to Him, first. That "first" part is still a work in progress. I've loved the Lord for a long time and He's proven Himself true to me, but when there are big shakeups (like my cancer and hubby's recent stroke), I go a little off kilter for awhile. Fear tries to take over. You are so right. We must not bow down to fear or it will destroy us. Thank you for this post, even though I am sad to hear of Charlie Cat's passing. I, too, believe our pets will be with us in our heavenly homes (remember, I'm gonna live across the street from you. We can both be cat ladies.)
ReplyDeleteMay the Lord surround you and hold you right in the palm of His almighty hand, tomorrow on your birthday, and every day thereafter. God bless you richly on your special day, my friend. Love and hugs!
Betsy--thanks so much for your good birthday wishes! I did actually have a pleasant birthday weekend. My mind was in a good place most of those days. But then from Tuesday on, through the next week, oh my. Really rough. I'm finally feeling more like my normal self since yesterday. Whew.
ReplyDeleteOh Pam! Your sweet comment got me all teary-eyed. I'd love to live nextdoor to you in Heaven also! That would be incredibly wonderful. Thank-you so much for your kind, encouraging words.
A special thanks to you both! Blessings, Debra