Monday, August 15, 2016

Sheesh. Should Have Asked Sooner.

"You have not because you ask not."   ... James 4:2


So if you've been following my little soap opera here, you know that Naomi returned home from Georgia last October.

And it's been great having her back! 

Well, except for one thing. The night owl part. The she's-a-waitress(server)-and-a-musician-and-we-all-know-what-hours-they-keep part. She started all that at age 18 so you'd think I'd be used to her coming in at 4 or 5 a.m. by now. 

But no. 

Two a.m. or earlier, yes. But not later. I've tried. Tried to sleep soundly at 3:00 a.m. knowing she's not home, but it's hard not to keep waking up and checking. And of course, I want to give Naomi freedom in her mid-30's, just as I'd wish for myself had I been living with my own parents at that age. There's that.

And yes, people are quick to quip, "Just put her in God's hands." (Usually folks who've never faced this situation, who never wonder if their kids will come in anywhere from midnight to 7:00 a.m., I've noticed.) Even Tom told me to go to a different head space, but then, he never notices if Naomi's home by any time. (Men...) The only worrying he's done was whether Naomi would have a cow if I asked her to make some changes.

But what bothers me most? I so respect wisdom. I crave it and love verses like this:

"Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you."  ... Proverbs 4:6

... and well, call me old-fashioned, but I don't believe it's wise for a young woman to be out at 4:00 a.m. For one thing, my lying-in-bed prayers start sounding like this, "God, please let Naomi get away with not using wisdom and not giving us hints as to when she'll return. Amen."

And that just feels wrong.

Finally I couldn't take the no-grace-ness of it all. I told Naomi that if she won't be home by 5:00 a.m., I need her to leave a text or email. I'd feel much better if she would.

And you know? She was fine with that. Grace was all over our conversation and Naomi now even gives me brief verbal itineraries of her daily hours with expected return times.

Wow. The worry weight lifted. I've been a.o.k. ever since.

Truly sometimes 'we have not because we ask not." And seriously, how many other times could I have had what I needed if only I'd asked someone rather than complaining, worrying or playing the martyr (even subconsciously)?

But complaining is not asking. 
Worrying is not asking. 
And playing martyr is certainly not asking.

So today if you need something, I'd recommend you ask. 

Ask. For help around the house. For encouragement.
Ask. For that new toaster. For a friend.
Ask. For favor. For cooler weather.


Hey, who knows? Maybe all sorts of wonderful things will only be released to us after we ask.

“So I say to you, ask and keep on asking, and it will be given to you; seek and keep on seeking, and you will find..." ... Luke 11:9

Something which mega helped? I saw this, below, at Facebook on the morning I knew for certain I'd have to say something to Naomi.
Confirmation City! 

"As I continue to move you past mindsets of your past, not only will I give you wisdom to make righteous decisions, but I will also give you strength to implement necessary changes too. I have granted you the discernment to identify the problem, and wisdom to identify solutions, and now I am also giving you the strength to make the changes needed. I will give you all the pieces you need, and assist you in assembling them together."   ... Neil Vermillion


And uh-oh! Here's another reason you may want to start doing some asking.  :)

Stress Literally Shrinks Your Brain


And for my fellow lovers of all things vintage, here's a fun blog for you.

(A special thanks to Pam for recommending it!)


Free Kindle Books:

Agnes Hopper Shakes Up Sweetbriar

Chili to Die For


Robin in New Jersey said...

I am sure it was hard to have her come back home after being gone for so long. Yes, she is an adult, but she is still your daughter. I totally get the worrying. I was just doing it last week with one of my kids. :)

Pam said...

Wow, did this post ever hit home! So often, because I'm home most of the time, and hubby still works full time, I feel like I should do more work around the house than he does. Sometimes, when he's relaxing and I'm still scrubbing the pots and pans, I feel a tiny bit resentful--okay, maybe not so tiny. Human nature is wonky at best. I really would like to be a wise, mature woman, now that I'm in my 60s,(seems like you should have reached that stage if you're eligible for social security), but there are days I'll confess that I'm still fighting the battle.

As for having a child under the same roof--it doesn't matter how old they are, there's something in most moms' DNA that always wonders if they're safe, if their dressed warmly, if they have enough emergency money hidden in their wallet and if they're brushing AND flossing, regardless of that new ruling last week.

Pam said...

I didn't even make my point in my first comment--what I meant to say is that I seldom ask my husband for help, and when I do ask, he's almost always willing to pitch in. Sorry for the disconnect.

Betsy said...

Boy do I understand. When our youngest comes home to visit, (from Japan), he often doesn't come in until midnight, one or two a.m. because he's with friends. I cannot sleep until he gets home. Neither does Hubby. Crazy huh? Considering he lives halfway around the world and we never know what he's doing then and we sleep just fine! :-). I'm glad you've worked out a system that works for you and Naomi. And I am SO blessed to have a Hubby that just pitched in all of the time.

Rita said...

I love having my daughter at home. When she stays away late at night it effects my life. If she would be ill, have an accident, be raped...sorry to be so blunt. It would effect my life because of my deep love for her. She can come and go from home as she wants to but I need to know where she is and for her to text at least twice if she is staying out real late. It isn't what I want but if she wants total freedom then possibly an apartment is the best solution. I need respect and love back for what I do for her. I don't mean to be harsh. But come on texting is an easy way to keep in touch. And let me rest.

Debra said...

Robin--yep, it's easy to pretend while they're living on their own that they're home at decent hours, right? It's different when they come back. :)

Pam--I really appreciate your honesty! And I can get the same way at the drop of a hat about housework. :) Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us here and for understanding about the 'mom thing'. Really.

Betsy--yep, like I mentioned above it's totally different when they're living on their own. I never had problems sleeping while Naomi was away in TN. I could easily assume she kept decent hours there. heh. :)

Rita--yes. And in this case, it was my fault for not asking. Naomi was very sweet in complying once I asked.

Thanks, Everyone! Blessings, Debra