Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Uh-Oh. It's Finally Here.

"There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24

Oh, and "This, too, shall pass."


Oh man. 

Poor ol' Debra thinks she's (finally) having a mid-life crisis.

No, really.

This past week I've felt aimless, helpless (mostly regarding fixing what bugs me about this house, or even, being able--physically, mentally--to move ever again), not to mention being moody and disgruntled (about who-knows-what?), so much so, that Tom majorly got upset with me (my attitude/tone) on Sunday.


Yesterday I read online symptoms of a mid-life crisis and gee, I've got many. One writer even said, "Do not make any major decisions during this time," but hey! Where's the fun in that? 


Besides, part of me believes a mid-life crisis can be a signal, a wake-up call that something is wrong, needs changing. Like, if you've always wanted to do/be something or go somewhere--perhaps now is the time to make those plans. You know, before it's too late.

It's not getting any earlier, after all.

I told Tom perhaps I need to stay a few days in a motel. I can't seem to get enough time alone lately and how luxurious would it be to lie around a pretty room all day? You know, watching HGTV, staring out the window or soaking in the tub and not ironing, watering the yard or feeding the cats? He seemed very open to this idea. Said he'd make all the arrangements. I could go anywhere.

Uh-oh. After awhile I teased him about wanting to get rid of me. Funny, he barely denied that. 

Then last night just as I felt better while picturing myself in the motel down the street on our beautiful river, Sally's granddaughter's husband knocked on the door and said they'd had to put Buddy, the sweetest dog on earth, down. He'd kept getting infections since becoming partially paralyzed.

Oh my goodness. Buddy's sweet face and demeanor (and the sadness) kept waking my mind all night. Tom and I had so enjoyed watching Sue and Buddy sitting outside on a picnic blanket lately, Buddy guaging breezes with this long, cute nose, looking like, "Life is still so good, after all."

How simple to lose ones heart to Buddy.

Oh dear. I may take a few days off from blogging. Or not. As I said, I've just wanted to be alone lately (more than usual), for I'm deciding what I really want/need, and what I must release (or accept) so to keep from dreaming about what's not mine to have in the future. 

I asked God if I could skip confessing all this, but He reminded me that it's not right to just disappear from your blog without an explanation, nor is it good to pretend all is well. Plus, He's big on vulnerability--I know this.

So there you go.

But don't worry, ok? It's not like a few bazillion other people haven't gone through this before. Also, I feel fine physically. Well, except for my usual brought-it-on-myself out-of-shapeness, which yes, would be a terrific thing to tackle now, too. Besides, I'm spending less time online--who needs to read more bad news at a time like this? 

Yet as always, it's one day and one moment at a time, each while sitting beside the Best Friend on the planet. And that can never be too bad of a thing at all.

“Evelyn stared into the empty ice cream carton and wondered where the smiling girl in the school pictures had gone.” 
― Fannie Flagg


I appreciated this from Facebook this morning:

From Brenda Allie Flom:

I know we all get angry and frustrated about the chaos going on in our nation right now. I know we are all sick of the corruption and lies. I also know we have a ginormous God who's got this. Some of the things that are spoken by believers verbally or by FB actually contradict this. The statements of late are proposing an itty bitty God and a ginormous devil. They are cursing doom and gloom over the land.
Let's start speaking from the heart of our Father and not the heart of our flesh. Let's repent for our emotions that have brought curses and instead, speak blessings of life, peace, protection, righteousness, unity, love and restoration over our nation.
God sees it all, He wants our praise, prayers and decrees. He wants us to take a stand as sons. He wants His ecclesia to rise up and take their place in the authority He has given us, instead of joining in with the worldly negative mindset.
Let's start today. Let's start NOW."


Did you see this scary film of Jay Leno's car crash? Yikes!



Joel Osteen said it perfectly this morning (6/30) at Facebook:

Don’t fall into the trap of being negative, complacent, or just taking whatever life brings your way. Set the tone for victory, for success, for new levels. Enlarge your vision. Make room for God to do something new in your life today!



Susan Humeston said...

Oh boy - I just got over a very bad time of the same type thing. Between money worries, getting ready for retirement with even less money, feeling as if the doors in my life are closing because I'm 60. At the same time I can't wait to stop wasting my time working so I can enjoy my life.....but I'll be broke. I realized whether my thoughts were true or not I had to step back from the viewpoint of negativity and trust in God, my Father. Concentrating on all the negative made me helplessly angry at myself and the world - and just miserable. I'm not saying the solution for you is what I did (remember that God has my future in His Hand) - I'm just commiserating by describing what I just went through - and understanding how crummy it feels. I know you will do what you need to and be back to your old self - or your new self! Our house needs lots of repairs (not to the structure itself thank God) and we are just waiting to "dump" it (aka "sell" for whatever) and move to a cheaper area in hopes of finding a house with less problems. We don't have the $ to fix up our house to sell AND get a new house when we retire (smaller and newer, I hope).

I had to laugh when you loved the wood cabinets in the 50's kitchen. We have those and they ARE beautiful, but they need to be refinished and cleaned - and after working all day, I have nothing left to do things like that like I used to when I was younger. It will be a shame for whoever buys our home if they jettison those cabinets, but I see it all the time in our neighborhood. What they buy to replace them are never the same quality. These are 100% real wood.

Anyway - I hope - and know - you will feel better and I hope the journey to feeling better turns out to be fun and exciting.

Betsy said...

I hope you will soon be feeling more yourself. I know I've gone through tremendous changes in the past year. Physically, I received a pacemaker, (I'm only 56), and nothing's been the same. My husband has been a saint in taking care of me but I haven't felt well or myself, since then. I spend a lot of time reading my BIble, and I'm handwriting the book of Psalms because I remember it better that way. I need that. I hope things look up for you very soon and I'll be in prayer for you.

Terra Hangen said...

In that quote you share Jane Brody has great advice on midlife crisis and making it positive. Yes, you are right, our God is big. He wants us to pray big prayers and always answers. I hope you give yourself some pampering (motel on the river), maybe you could go with hubby.

lorie said...

UGG,the crabbies. I get this sometime and I am hard to live with. I cannot even stand myself. Nothing makes me happy. This is when I usually have a major junk food pigout which makes things worse. I try to stay away from everyone and shut my mouth. Turning sixty really set me off. Hope things get better soon. And really, don't make any big decisions until you are in a better mood.

Debbie V. said...

Debra, It's been quite a while since I've had those "stop the world I want to get off" days. I hate them. Follow your instincts. Be alone and read or watch Netflix or sit on the porch - and as your thoughts rise to the surface jot them down.
I keep a page on Evernote where I keep editing and refining a list of changes I want to make in my life. My Chrome browser automatically starts with this tab open and it is such a joy to see it when I first sign on. I delete things that don't appeal to me after all.
Here's an example of my first point. I was watching Grace and Frankie (Netflix) last week and Frankie is trying to help Grace find herself and tells her to find her "Best Grace" the Grace that she was when she felt her best in her life. I thought about that and started a list. I'm still mulling it over but here's what i have so far.
- Revive your "Best Debbie" (via Grace and Frankie) What did I like about these best Debbies?
- 6th grade Debbie - the Debbie found the natural world an exciting place
- 1969 Debbie - the Debbie that didn't judge, that was happy to be accepted into the fold
- Ventura Debbie - that joined the Santa Monica mountains women's hiking class

So maybe you could also think about when you were your best / happiest Debra? How can you get back to that? What were you doing then that you aren't doing now? etc.

Debra said...

Susan--thanks for your encouragement and for sharing your story! And yes, I think it's my 'new self' that I'm needing to find. The old one seems to fit another time--a great time--but an older, once-was-but-is-now-gone time. And as Laura Ingalls Wilder said, "Now is now." :)

Betsy--thanks so much for praying! And I'll be praying that you'll feel better, as well. It sounds like we're both experiencing changes and are wondering what's next. May we both find what that is.

Terra--yes, I'm finding more and more that now I'm supposed to find something new. So that's where I'm looking. I told Tom what you suggested, his going with me, but we both agreed it would kinda defeat the purpose. heh. But yes, we are about due for another vacation together and hopefully we can do that sometime after I've found my new self. :)

Dolores--oh, I know! I keep dreaming about ice cream like crazy. :) I'm glad you know where I'm coming from. It took me a year to get over turning 50 so uh-oh! What will 60 be like for me? :) (But I still want to make huge decisions right now! heh....)

Debbie--thanks much! I think I wrote a blog post like that before. :) As I mentioned above, I keep thinking I'm meant to find something new. I've so enjoyed the past 20 years, especially, but now that all feels like been-there-done-that and I feel lately I've been in a rut relying on what once used to work. Does that make sense? So now I'm praying I'll be able to see the new thing God has for me.

Thanks so much, Ladies, for taking the time to comment and encourage me! Blessings, Debra

Anonymous said...

I savor, cause I discovered exactly what I was having a
look for. You have ended my four day lengthy hunt!

God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye