(Intriguing title, huh?) :)
Seven Decembers ago I re-posted this and here it is again. May it make a marriage or two a bit sweeter in 2014.
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I have been married a real long time and well, I've learned there are, generally speaking, two kinds of arguments:
The ones you cannot avoid.
And the ones you can.
And I want to mention the latter--the arguments I avoid by hiding things.
Like what, you ask? Like my very own toolbox. Around 20 years ago I bought a toolbox and began collecting tools for it (cheap ones from Dollar Tree or yard sales. It's not like I use them everyday). I'd become extremely tired of needing hammers/screwdrivers/stud-finders/nails, etc., while Tom was at work and having to wade through piles of his tools to find them--or not find them. Which, of course, required that I nag (nag, nag, nag) Tom about his lack of organization and my frustration thereof.
A real marriage-saver, that one! My toolbox is my responsibility--I keep it hidden--and so if a tool is missing, it's my own fault. End of where's-the-stupid-tools? arguments.
Something else I hide? A chunky black indelible marker which I find indispensable for my kitchen. After 25 years and 300 did-you-steal-my-black-marker-again? accusations, I finally got the idea to hide my marker in a little cupboard in my hoosier cabinet. Tom never peeks inside that. Oh my, Life feels so good since we have no more chunky black marker arguments.
What else do I hide in that little cupboard? My very own flashlight. It only took me 27 years to finally hide a flashlight (which, I confess, the older I get, the more I need so to read or find certain things). No more why-can't-I-ever-find-a-flashlight-around-here? arguments. Happy sigh.
I also hide my own scissors, stapler, glue and measuring tapes.
Get the idea? I'm not talking about keeping secrets from your spouse(lest you thought I was going there. Heh.) No, it's more like this:
Lots and lots of arguments saved(avoided) equals lots and lots of peace and harmony earned. And--personal responsibility: how sweet it is.
Well, at least, that's what I have found.
***
"The tendency to whining and complaining may be taken as the surest sign symptom of little souls and inferior intellects." ...Lord Jeffrey
(Ouch!)
6 comments:
ABSOLUTELY inspired a-n-d inspiring. God was soooo right-on when He formed Adam's Partner/Wife to complete what was missing in him. You are filled with the Wisdom of your Creator. And He has molded and shaped you into the perfect compliment to Tom. May the Holy Spirit continue to bless and inspire you.
--Just one of your thankful readers.
Very good Debra,I never thought of this!
YES indeed...you are SOOOOOOOOO right on this one!! We have always had a drawer in the kitchen for "junk"...in which are many things such as small tools to use inside the house...those have come and gone as he has misplaced them...but I just leave those little repair jobs FOR HIM, if I cannot find the tools. But there is one tool I simply cannot abide NOT having...and that is a veggie scraper. They used to disappear (like maybe treated as a one use item that you toss after one use??) Either that or someone was breaking in and stealing them all..not likely!! So one day I was madder than a hornet after loosing so many of these and I went to the store and bought all but one on display!! As I recall, that was 6 or 8 of them and I put them all around in the kitchen in MANY spots. I left one in my big old purse, just in case all the others walked away again and I got down to one. EVENTUALLY they got down to about 2...and that is the same 2 I have had for quite a few years now. Ever try scraping a carrot with a knife??????? NOT a good idea. Go figure as to why that one thing I had to begin hiding.
When I lived at home, any pair of scissors in that house was fair game for any use whatsoever. Try sewing, which I did, for school classes and otherwise. Dull scissors end up making pulls in the cloth even. So that is where I first learned to have my own pair that I hid from everyone else. And when we married, I warned my husband if he ever messed with them, I would not get upset, but would go out and buy a more expensive pair and each time they were ruined, I would get yet a more costly pair. Somehow he remembered that and left mine alone. I do keep them out of sight in some of my sewing boxes and not in the general drawers however...no reason to tempt him. I have plenty of general use pairs of scissors for him to use however he likes. Some things one cannot share because others do not care to use them properly. Maybe it is always like that when 2 people live together.
I would think if you used your husband's tools, you would put them back, right?? I always did. My question was why my tools were not always put back?? I do not have that answer yet...been married over 40 yrs so not looking hopeful there...sigh..
But this is good advice for women who are going to marry...it is perfectly fine to NOT share every last thing.
Elizabeth in NC
I love this post, firstly, because it shows me I am not alone in the frustrations of someone else's disorganization! I thought it was only me/us! I recently saw a TV show where the husband hid his own supply of batteries because everyone in the home kept taking them and he never had any when he needed them. Funny! So true - you don't have to share EVERYTHING! Belynda
Wonderful post..
-I also hide my own scissors, stapler, glue and measuring tapes - like you..:)))
Blessings
My husband is pretty good about not touching things that he consider's mine, (this does not apply in the reverse for me ;) ) so he is not the reason i would have to hide stuff. It's the kids. They are like squirrels or sock stealing kitties, they find the stuff, use it, move it some place new, and never put it back. And what I hide they always seem to find in a moment of desperate late -homework need.
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