Well, I'll tell ya... I'm having a hard time dealing with the death of Oreo The Cat. And he wasn't even my cat! He belonged to my daughter and her boyfriend, though he did live in my home five years ago. I've met many cats in my day, but none like Oreo. He was a cat who knew what he wanted and he was quick to figure out how to make you get it for him. Just like a child.
And well, ever since moving to this small farm last year I've had a feeling that, emotionally, I will never be able to handle raising farm animals. They, like all other animals, eventually die which means down the road I can count on being devastated for days and weeks again. And again. And again. (I know, I know... But the Circle of Life thing and I have always fought, never accepting each other, not in all these 50 years of mine.)
I mean, four years after the fact, I am still recovering from the death of the 8 pet mice I raised in our basement for a couple years. Yes, we're talking mice. Mice! So see? I'm hopeless.
This is frustrating, trust me. I hate admitting that I now, officially, never plan to raise even chickens on this farm because I'd just get too attached to them and hurt like the dickens if they died or were dragged away by a fox. And just knowing the inevitable would overshadow the whole fowl adventure. (Don't even speak to me about lambs or goats!)
No, what I'm saying is that this Oreo thing has helped me face what I've not wanted to see, to admit, since June of '08. Namely, I'm not cut-out for raising farm animals. God left out that necessary grace from my personality when He created me and it doesn't look like He's going to install that option, either. Basically, I am what I am--and although I've changed in about 200 ways these last 15 years, still, some things just are what they are. I am who I am and who I am is an overly-sensitized-to-animals-dying woman. Period.
And like I said, that's frustrating. I feel like such a farm wimp.
And yet? It's a good thing to realize, too. It's always good to know oneself--that way, oneself doesn't find herself smack dab in the middle of that which she hates or that which rips her apart because she was given no grace to be there in the first place. When God sends us somewhere, He always packs the grace we'll need to see the job through. And I only wish to go to those places He's mapped-out for me to be.
We all have strengths, we all have weaknesses--and a unique combination of both.