Sunday, November 01, 2009

Where She Realizes Farm Animals Are Not Her Thing

Well, I'll tell ya... I'm having a hard time dealing with the death of Oreo The Cat. And he wasn't even my cat! He belonged to my daughter and her boyfriend, though he did live in my home five years ago. I've met many cats in my day, but none like Oreo. He was a cat who knew what he wanted and he was quick to figure out how to make you get it for him. Just like a child.

And well, ever since moving to this small farm last year I've had a feeling that, emotionally, I will never be able to handle raising farm animals. They, like all other animals, eventually die which means down the road I can count on being devastated for days and weeks again. And again. And again. (I know, I know... But the Circle of Life thing and I have always fought, never accepting each other, not in all these 50 years of mine.)

I mean, four years after the fact, I am still recovering from the death of the 8 pet mice I raised in our basement for a couple years. Yes, we're talking mice. Mice! So see? I'm hopeless.

This is frustrating, trust me. I hate admitting that I now, officially, never plan to raise even chickens on this farm because I'd just get too attached to them and hurt like the dickens if they died or were dragged away by a fox. And just knowing the inevitable would overshadow the whole fowl adventure. (Don't even speak to me about lambs or goats!)

No, what I'm saying is that this Oreo thing has helped me face what I've not wanted to see, to admit, since June of '08. Namely, I'm not cut-out for raising farm animals. God left out that necessary grace from my personality when He created me and it doesn't look like He's going to install that option, either. Basically, I am what I am--and although I've changed in about 200 ways these last 15 years, still, some things just are what they are. I am who I am and who I am is an overly-sensitized-to-animals-dying woman. Period.

And like I said, that's frustrating. I feel like such a farm wimp.

And yet? It's a good thing to realize, too. It's always good to know oneself--that way, oneself doesn't find herself smack dab in the middle of that which she hates or that which rips her apart because she was given no grace to be there in the first place. When God sends us somewhere, He always packs the grace we'll need to see the job through. And I only wish to go to those places He's mapped-out for me to be.

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We all have strengths, we all have weaknesses--and a unique combination of both.

9 comments:

... Paige said...

Great post

Patty H. said...

I agree with Paige!!

Judy said...

Debra, I am SO sorry to hear about Oreo.

Let's imagine that he and Uncle Barb (who was put down on the 27th)
are now eternal friends.

What good is an imagination if it isn't used?

Annie said...

Oh dear, poor Oreo! I struggle through the joy of pets which is tempered by the deep grief I feel when I lose them. It is so hard!

Kristi in the Western Reserve said...

Debra, I am so sorry for all of you that Orea has died. And it is important to understand things about your own personality like your extreme sensitivity to the death of animals. We all have different gifts.

A Big Hug from Ohio!

Jammie J. said...

Oh dear, I'm so sorry about Oreo. :(

I also feel very validated. I'm also an overly-sensitive-to-animals-dying person. One of my female fish was holding, but she dropped them within on the 2nd day, which meant they never were fertilized. I was crying! Over unfertilized eggs! (sigh)

(hugs) Again, I'm so sorry.

Naomi said...

Hi Mom.. thank you for the nice posts about Oreo. It has indeed been a tough week... one I'll of course never forget. I've never felt such heartache, but I do find the blessing that my little boy gave me the six best years of my adult life. I know I'll see him again someday soon, and until then, every other kitty in my care will be better off for having known him. Animals are truly a blessing, and it is in saying goodbye that we garner strength to continue the work they instilled in us to start.

I still think you should have chickens. :)

Anonymous said...

How I sympathise with you and your daughter on the death of Oreo.

My cat Tibby was 14 when she had to be put to sleep. My youngest daughter was 4 when we became her owners, and she taught Puss to sit still on laps and tolerate being dressed up etc.

She was an indoor cat with a great personality. All the funny things she did made a huge impact on us.

It's been 6 yrs since her death and I still think of her often. I haven't been able to replace her, because I think no cat will ever measure up!!

Elle said...

I am so sorry about Oreo. I really loved this post though - I'm similar with animals too, their death lingering long after. Just a deer on the side of the road makes me so sad. I loved what you said about grace though. And I think it's so true too about how freeing it is to know yourself so well. I need to remember what you've written here:

"It's always good to know oneself--that way, oneself doesn't find herself smack dab in the middle of that which she hates or that which rips her apart because she was given no grace to be there in the first place. When God sends us somewhere, He always packs the grace we'll need to see the job through. And I only wish to go to those places He's mapped-out for me to be." It's going down in my book of quotes. :)