Heh. I had to smile when I received no comments from my last post. People have a hard time dealing with honesty, mine or theirs. I've noticed that for the last, well, forever, especially among church people. We'd all rather put on our bright, shiny faces and pretend. I get that. I just don't enjoy the game as much as I used to and so, every once in awhile, I insert a post which tells it like it really is--or at least hints at how it really is. And it's freeing and cathartic.
And yet there is one thing I know for certain: I dare not camp out at the bad places. I must not become comfortable in the gloom, lest I dig myself in so deep that it will take not only God, Himself, to dig me out, but Time and therapy and barrels of caffeine and a whole truckload of Christians. And I so do not want that. Personally? Personally I want to stay, to live, so sensitive to God that I go no deeper into sadness than He can yank me out in a day or so.
So that requires dealing with things when they come and facing truth about myself. Dealing with my awful attitudes or moods or habits and not letting them take up permanent residence upon my back like proverbial monkeys. And dealing with those things means becoming brutally honest with myself and not whispering excuses, handing them to God and expecting Him to say, "Poor ol' Debra," and allowing me to lounge around in months-long pity parties. He loves me too much for that and has plans for me to help others and how can I help others if I so desperately need help myself?
Hence the sensitivity thing--sensitivity to His voice encouraging me to get over it, move on and move forward or to seek help and information as to what's happening inside my head. The rough-sounding, but so crucial stuff. Always He loves me too much to allow me keel over in some sort of permanent pity wilt. And He wants to love others through me, too, so it behooves me to let Him pull me up quickly--not after a month or year or decade--but after just a day or two. The less time I give myself to dig deep pits, the better for me, for Him, for you.
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Life is too wonderful and God is too powerful for me to waste weeks and weeks spinning around in a deep, dark pit.
