Sunset Thoughts

It's enchanting to sit on our front porch in the evenings while the sun goes down. I wish you could sit out there with me so you can see what I mean. Well, in a way, you are out there, too. I was there just now listening to the echo of my neighbors' voices while thinking about the things I could tell you here.

Like I said, it's a little like you're out on the porch with me-- I just wish my neighbors could see you because they probably feel sorry for me sitting alone on our wicker loveseat. I'm out there on our porch a lot by myself-- mornings, afternoons, evenings--because Tom works crazy hours. Twelve-hour day shifts one week, twelve-hour night shifts the next. He does sit on the porch with me occasionally in the mornings, very occasionally, like, twice a month.

Anyway, I hope my neighbors don't feel sorry for me because I feel like the most blessed woman on earth, especially while out on that very porch. I was thinking tonight that never before had I lived in the same house in my life for more than two-and-a-half years and yet now, in this wonderful house, I've lived 12 years. I went from being 34 to 46 and maybe you already know this, but those are usually some amazing, life-changing years for most people. Moving into your 40's is a pretty big deal--you'll have to just trust me if you're not already there.

My attitude has gone through a complete overhaul while I have lived in this house. I used to sit on our porch and feel sorry for myself because Tom works so much and I am so often alone. But now... this will sound odd, but I cannot get enough of being alone. I love it. I love how I feel so creative while I'm by myself and it's all I can do not to pick up a paint brush and start painting something, anything. Or I'll wash or organize something while I have the radio blaring classical or big band era music, depending upon the mood of the day.

Moods--I used to be led by moods and my emotions and that was one big rocky ride--believe me. Like, Yo-Yo Land. But over these years of living in this house... over these years of going from 34 to 46, God has taught me to be led by Him--how He feels about something and how He wants me to react to whatever may be happening. He's still teaching me, of course, and I'm learning to enjoy the lessons. That, in itself, is a miracle.

And it's amazing... He's so with me out on that front porch that I can almost see Him sitting across from me in the big white wicker chair.

I wish my neighbors could see Him there with me, too.