"A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways." James 1:8
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Ain't that the truth!
Last week I mixed bitter with sweet and contentment with discontentment and created some pretty pathetic hours.
I remembered how God told me to, while we're waiting to move, live a new way inside this old house and town and I tried to do that.
I did.
But I said good-bye to our house and this town too soon and simultaneously, I allowed myself to stay a little impatient and discontented, everyday wishing that we weren't squeezed between two other houses, that we had a larger yard, a clothesline and a different old house, one with every room pleading for help.
Even a tiny dosage of double-minded stuff can cause a huge amount of trouble. Trust me.
Tom got annoyed with my complaining and suddenly I felt like my creative spirit packed up and moved away. I could think of nothing to do, except to complain more and sit outside on our porch appearing pathetic for all the neighbors.
Er hem.
That under-the-surface stuff can mess you up. The stuff you can't see clearly, even though it's going on right behind your eyes--inside your head--and inside your heart. It's all rather like being careful to drink only a vial of poison, not a pitcher full.
So I had to die some more this week, had to go down lower in order to come up higher (as they say). I made myself cease wishing for things outside of their timing and instead, I accepted Life As It Is. I thought I'd learned that, but again, I had to learn it at a deeper level.
And I must have succeeded because everything has changed, even though nothing really has.
A head can only hold so much, and now, since the complaints are gone, there's room for creativity, instead. I've so many changes in mind for our house and its decor! I'd somehow believed I couldn't touch this house since the realtor approved of it last month when she gave the evaluation, but now I realize I can switch around all my knick-knacks-- if that's what I want. I can create the kinda-beachy look I've wanted for months, but have put-off for invisible reasons.
Tom and I can visit the shops, museums and restaurants we've always meant to (we began this weekend--fun!). I can meet for coffee in shops with long ago friends, even if it's just for one more conversation before we leave. I can even fill a whole tablet or binder with decorating ideas for the rooms of our future house, even though I've not seen those rooms--at least I can choose colors and some new ideas.
Waiting well, being single-minded with true patience, the kind that trusts God to know what He's doing, even when I don't. Being very ok with that, growing to love Him more so that--wherever He and I are together--all is well. And having wonderful, creative weeks and months in the meantime--
---those are my new goals.
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