Hard Times and Choices

I liked Saija's comment to my last post:

"Alone time is something I truly relish as my years start to gather up an impressive total! I think we get more comfortable in our own skin, with who we are, IF we've allowed the Holy Spirit to do His job ..."

IF, indeed....

Last week, while watching coverage of Hurricane Katrina, I heard a reporter tell someone the old phrase, "Hard times make people stronger."

Huh! Not always.

Years ago I went through some hard times emotionally--times in which I thought the way some church people were treating me was the problem, when in reality, the problems came because I refused to die to self. Well, refused is a strong word, I guess--at that time, I didn't know how to die to self or even why I should.

Instead, I kept trying to make my Self stronger on the inside. When those 'mean ol' church people' would pick on me, I would harden my heart so that next time, their words wouldn't pierce me as deeply. I built walls around my heart to shield myself from hurt so that I'd be able to treat those people the right, godly way and not be cited for treating them harshly as they'd treated me. (There's logic in there somewhere.) I thought that was the answer.

But it wasn't. Basically, instead of becoming better, I became bitter.

And always, that is the choice for each of us in hard times. We either let them mold us into more humble, vulnerable and compassionate people who have learned to lean more heavily upon God's strength (and not our own), or we choose a lesser, curvy road. Trust me, I spent years on that curvy road and it only kept me dizzy and stumbling further away from the dependency God wanted me to have upon Him. At the end of that curvy road where Self's ways lead, there is no comfort from God, no strength, no power, no joy, no peace.

There is only Self. Foolish, thinks-it-knows-everything-but-actually-knows-nothing Self. And in lands where Self led me, there was only loneliness and much pain.

Just by looking around we can see that hard times do not necessarily make people stronger or better. I have watched many people during the last four decades of my life become sick from bitterness, unforgiveness and a need to control everyone. They scare me now, and yet, they teach me now, too. They teach me what not to do and how not to be.

Bitter or better? Always, the choice is mine.