The Necessity of Your Own Life

Ages ago, I chatted with a widow (for some years) at church, probably 65-years-old, and sweet. We were speaking of mornings and I told her I usually am up before 6:00 a.m.. I asked if she, too, was an early riser and she nearly gasped, "Oh my, no. That would make my days feel ever so long. I try to stay in bed as long as I can."

Oh wow. I could only suck in my breath then change the subject for I felt surprised and so sad for her. Her words haunted me while I drove home that afternoon and they haunt me still.

Since then I have watched women lose their husbands either by death or divorce and here is what I've seen: The women who had created another life separate from their husbands, those are the women who survive. Thrive, even. After the initial shock, they do well, smile real smiles and discover other worlds and the people who people them.

But then there are the others. You know, those who clung to their husbands for all their support and encouragement and companionship. The ones who had outside acquaintances and activities, yes, but no close friendships or passionate interests. Mostly, their spouse was not just the center of their world, but their whole darn world, period.

No need to draw you pictures of what happened to those women after their losses. You can imagine how they fell down hard, splattered, crumbled and then needed whole truckloads of Christians to help peel them off the floor of despair.

So today? Today I would tell those of you who are married: Get A Life. You know, a life apart from your spouse, separate from him/her. A nice life, certainly--I mean, hey, I'm not hinting at a secret, tip-toeing-down-alleys-behind-his-back kind of life. Uh, of course not.

But I mean please discover something else you are passionate about. If you're still not sure of God's unique calling made especially for you, well, now is a marvelous time to discover what He designed you to do. It amazes me how many women don't know what their special talents are. How can we use those gifts to help other people if we don't know what they are?

Even something simple like learning to love your daily rituals is big. Teach yourself to find the joy and peace in drinking your morning coffee or washing your dishes or folding your laundry. Develop good habits like taking walks, deadheading your flowers, reading inspiring books and learning new hobbies and skills each year. 

And above all, discover who you are in God and who He is in you. With all your heart, seek to love Him best. Better than anyone else.

Discover and learn and do and be you today. Learn what you like (and what you don't) and what you do best. Step away from any fears which have held you back from a brand new life. 

But don't wait for your spouse to join you. No, this has nothing to do with him/her. This is for you, this is for now and this is for later, also.



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Sometimes your daily rituals are the only highlights of your day. But that's ok, even wonderful, if you've learned to treasure and make special your rituals.

Going Nag-Free-- And Liking It

Gah.

Some lessons we learn at once, others we must learn over and over, perhaps because, well, who knows?

Anyway, this Do Not Nag Your Husband lesson is one I must re-learn, like, every year. Maybe it's because of personal insecurities which make me want to control my world. Perhaps my self-worth still has too much of a strangle-hold on needing things to look perfect. (You know, all what will people think, say or do?--ish.) 

Perhaps I can't be contented living with what I perceive to be ugly.

I do know that this farm life of ours opened up a whole new world to Tom, got him out of the house (after 29 years when yard work was my thing), and we've butted heads out in the yard ever since. Well, kinda. He just has such different outdoor ideas! Different indoor ones, too, for that matter.

So for two years now, whenever I forget my myriad Do Not Nag Your Husband lessons, I nag him about all the junk inside the garage and barn and whine, nag when he loads more garage things into the car from yard sales. And each time he suggests yard ideas which I think are, well, ghastly, I give him eight (panicky, high-pitched) reasons why they'd throw off the whole feng shui of the farm yard. And let's not even mention all the nagging I do about the fatty, salty food he loves.

Hmm. (Drawing a curtain over what could be a book.)

Anyway, around Friday, God sat back down at his teacher's desk, sat me down at the pupil's desk and reminded me that, 1.) Nagging does not work. Usually the exact opposite happens. 2.) Nagging is naughty. Unbiblical. And makes me look and sound like a witch. 3.) Nagging carries over into other areas for both people involved. Tom's life will feel worse and so will mine, what with the low-key resentment I lug around in my heart. And 4.) Nagging shows God that I don't trust Him to work on Tom, hence my 'helping God out' with my cranky, screeching whining.

Etc. etc. ッ

Well. After returning to the classroom with God and after confessing I'd forgotten all my previous Thou Shalt Not Nag lessons, I admitted my transgressions to both Tom and God and determined to change.

And guess what? We had an amazing weekend! (Shocker, that.) 

We went and saw Toy Story 3 and both adored it (my second time to see it, even.) We drove to yard sales (I'd been on yard sale strike for two weeks, then realized I was the only one suffering here) and had great times and I found cool books, too. We ate fatty, salty food together (man, it was tasty). And we even attended an annual town fair, complete with a petting zoo and wild birds, pony rides, a classic car show and chainsaw sculptures.

It wasn't even that the activities were wild and unusual, but rather, the sweet fellowship was back. 

Tom wasn't just waiting to make one wrong move and then hear me go off, boom! with complaining. No, I not only held my tongue (stuffing things down inside only leads to eventual physical problems), but I went one better. I just let go of what I wanted, what I thought was best, what I believed was wisest. And had one amazingly fun weekend.

Imagine that. Imagine God knowing best.

Now, if I can only remember these lessons for more than 3 months...



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"Guard your heart with all diligence; for out of it flow the issues of life." ...
Proverbs 4:23



"A quarrelsome wife is like
a constant dripping on a rainy day..." ... Proverbs 27:15

Of Provision and Irons And Dark, Boring Boxes

Tom's sister and her husband gave us an iron and an ironing board as wedding gifts over thirty years ago (far away in California) and I still have the ironing board. 

But wow, that iron! The best iron I ever had, it lasted around 22 years and I'd probably still have it if I hadn't dropped it a ton of times (oh, those wiggly ironing boards. Heh.). I've owned three (modern, wimpy) irons since replacing that faithful old original just nine years ago.

I iron Tom's clothes and the occasional curtain or damask dinner napkin around twice monthly and earlier this year I wished I had an iron as efficient and downright smooth as the wedding gift one. I may have prayed to find such an iron, I can't recall, but I certainly do remember pining for the old, faithful baby and wondering if I'd have to settle for another flaky new one (you realize, don't you, that nowadays they make stuff to purposely fall apart so you'll have to replace it, right?).

Well. This past June while I wandered around a multi-family yard sale in the hot sun, guess what I found? Not just a heavy-duty, lovely iron, no. But my exact wedding iron's twin sister! New and still inside her (opened) 31-year-old box, even. And just $3.

Can you believe it? Even in the sunshine, I shivered to hold it and I was reminded that God "can do exceedingly, abundantly above all we can dare ask, hope or think." Really He can and He does.

All the decades that I've been a simple homemaker, people have told me that--nowadays--families cannot survive on one income. And you know? It's a weird feeling to be told you are doing something that cannot be done. 

Yet for over 30 years I've watched God provide for us outside of the box labeled "You Must Do And Believe Like Everyone Else." He's cared for us in wild, mind-boggling ways because we expected Him to keep His word and to make up the difference in areas where we fell short, even after doing our best. (And of course, He's been awfully merciful when we just foolishly used money sometimes.)

And that's the way I like to live--trying to use wisdom and depending on God, not on myself, or Tom's job, nor our Country's economy. 

It's like when one Christian blogger wrote that she and her family would not be participating in America's recession. I loved that! It's amazing when people reach-out beyond believing what they've been told they believe. And I enjoy reading stories of other families who escaped the box and don't even remember marching single-file in the dark bottom, surrounded by all those stifling walls and corners.



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"I have been young, and now I am old, but I have never seen a righteous person abandoned or his descendants begging for food." ... Psalm 37:25


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Oh, how I love my new iron! Perfectly pressured and all hot and steamy and I'll say it--dreamy. (Happy sigh.)


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