Wednesday, March 31, 2021

Explaining What I'd Kinda Rather Not

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."   ---Philippians 4:13


So Tom's worked from home (thanks, Covid World) a year now and we're both still adjusting. シ

He sort-of let himself go, though. Walked from his desk to the recliner (and tv) and called it exercise.

But 8 weeks ago, an online health test scared him into getting back in shape. Yikes. Faithfully he's stepped up on the treadmill, lifted weights and eaten right(!) He's requesting me to cook the way I wanted to years ago (when he asked me not to), so yeah, guess who's feeling all I've-paid-my-dues-42-years-and-just-want-things-easy-ish?

Er hem. Yet slowly? We're finding ways of compromise. 

Well to me, Tom seemed to improve. But one night he said, "It's time to bring in that roll-around walker from the garage." This one:

If you don't know, Tom had polio as a baby. What we've not talked much about through the years are the creeping-in post polio symptoms.

Anyway, the roll-around began as something to sit upon in the kitchen while making his 'powdered potion drinks' and steel cut oats. Soon though, he began using it to get around our small house. He used the seat to transport dishes, clothes, etc. and felt clever.

That wheeled contraption made him happy so I didn't notice how much he'd come to rely upon it.

That happened last Friday. 

Tom, in the back yard, needed to spray-paint a white line on the lawn for the call-before-you-dig-guys (long story). With his two canes in one hand, paint can in the other, he started, but couldn't finish. And ours is a tiny yard.

He lowered himself into a patio chair, dropping the spray paint can. I stated often-repeated words, "I'll pick it up for you." With a lump in my throat I added, "I can finish painting the line."

Standing outside our back door, I died a bit more that sunny afternoon. Dreams already barely hanging-on vanished into vapor.

Probably no more train rides across America for us. No more estate sales or car shows on lawns. No more anything with stairs or more than a few yards on a sidewalk. No moving to a warmer-winter state. No --

Well, I'd love to say immediately I accepted all that, yet no, it took four quiet days, much cheering up from the Holy Spirit and lots of recalling this Dr. Seuss line: 

"Don't cry because it's over: smile because it happened."

How grateful we are that we did what we did while we still could. Our bucket lists are nearly empty.

Even before I married Tom, God told me this day would come. Being 19, healthy and wildly Miss Pollyanna, I took all of 20 seconds to consider this and told Him, "Sure! I'll be fine with helping Tom in his later years."

And mostly I am, though truthfully, I have my moments. But the humorous thing? At 19 (and beyond) I never really considered I'd be older. You know, no longer the strong-enough-to-leap-tall-buildings gal I once was.

For, uh-oh. Basically, at 62, I'm just a version of my former self, also. Alas.

Yet what a huge relief to know I've got Jesus, the Holy Spirit, Grace and Wisdom all living inside me. And together? We can still create a beautiful life and handle anything that comes our way.

Anything. At least in that assurance I've grown much, much stronger.

And I guess a hidden purpose of this post is also this:

Please never, ever assume anyone has an easier life than yours. None of us get out of here without facing difficulties which may seem small to others, but huge to us. 

It's hurtful (and ignorance) to assume otherwise.


Yes, Naomi's still in town and she does help run errands and even barbeques lately for us. But she also says she simply cannot spend another cold winter in our area inside her van. So there's that.

And yes, there's other help available out there. But right now? We're at an in between stage. We can still do what we need to, well, mostly.

Someday though, that will change and we'll need to humble ourselves and ask for extra help. God will let us know when that day comes, I'm sure.


Our local old-fashioned place with a deck beside a river has opened already. We've had such a glorious early spring this year!

My favorite wisdom verse:

Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:37-39 NKJV


Please remember: My posts are ALWAYS about more than they appear to be. 


 "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." ... Matthew 6:14,15


Saija said...

i totally get what you are saying ... our situations are similar in so many ways ... yet GOD is ABLE ... i would not even dare dream of attempting this type of life without Jesus ... the towel would have been thrown in years ago ... and we are 67 now, going on 47 years of marriage ... GOD is GOOD ... all the time - even though i might not realize it at the moment - only in hindsight it becomes crystal clear ...

blessings on you and Tom ... and for sharing so well, so that others can see and be encouraged ... Happy Easter!

Betsy said...

I'm sure it wasn't easy to write or share this post with the world and admit that some dreams may not happen...but others can and will still take place. God will give you new dreams that you can accomplish together.
I have learned that the hard way with being the one with the physical issues. Sure, all looks fine on the outside, but with several heart issues, a pacemaker, stroke survivor and now dealing with back things too, I know frustration. I can only imagine how Tom must feel, knowing he is the reason so many dreams will go unfulfilled.
I'm glad that you were prepared with the walker and he is willing to accept using it.

God is SO good and understands every single dream and heartbreak we have. Isn't that comforting. I know I'm not saying anything you don't already know Debra. I'll be here praying for you and Grace. She needs to be with you more than ever.
Blessings and hugs,

Pam said...

Oh Debra, my heart hurts to think about how difficult this past year must have been for you, Tom and Naomi. It is incredibly hard to watch our loved ones suffer setbacks. I am thankful that your family lives by faith in Christ, and that you are committed to one another. One thing we know, there will be some tough days ahead for all of us, but I'm trusting God to give all of us many, many good days, too. Nothing is impossible with Him! I will continue to pray for you, Tom and Naomi. Sending you hugs and hope, dear friend. xoxo

Debra said...

Saija-- thank-you so much, my friend. Truly you are one of my heroes. You've been so patient and helpful to Leo for so many years and I admire you for that. Thanks for your kind words!

Betsy--you're right! It was easy to write this and I'd rather have skipped it (kinda) but God pretty much said I needed to write this before moving on to others. (Not the first time for that to happen.) Thanks so much for your prayers, for understanding, and for reading here so often!

Pam--aww.... you're sweet! When I think of what others have faced this year, I feel we've had it so easy. In fact, Tom had dreamed of working from home for a couple years. But yes, I've had to give up some happy homemaker freedoms, but I've tried not to think about it too much and also, find ways to still do things my way around here. heh. Thank-you, also, for your prayers and faithful encouragement!

Thanks so much, Ladies! Blessings, Debra

Lisa in Texas = ) said...

<> to you as you journey this difficult road. I am happy to know that you know that Jesus will be with you every step of the way. He will give you the strength and courage for what ever comes your way. Stay close to Him, He will get you through, Lisa :O)