Giving Freedom

When we first moved to New York, we lived with a widow in our church for two weeks until our house finished going through escrow. This woman had books all over her house and one day I picked one up. I never forgot what I read.

I don't recall the title, but it said something like: By the time our children turn 12 years old, they pretty much know what we believe about most things. We've told them what we believe over and over.

When our children reach the years 18 - 21, we need to give them their God-given freedom. It's a freedom which is rightfully theirs, a freedom we all need in order to become what God intended us to be. If that freedom is not extended to our adult children, then we are holding them back from becoming who God created them to be. 

We had freedoms at that age and our kids must be given those freedoms, also. If we refuse, there will be rebellion and a breakdown in the relationship-- and the fault will lie with us, as parents.

I read that when Naomi was 13 and it never left me. 

It haunted me, helped also, to work-up to giving her that freedom by 'extending the line,' (I pictured it like a fishing pole line), a little bit more each year she was in high school. You know, rather than suddenly releasing the entire line when she turned 18--and feeling the dreadful shock of that. 

It helped me keep my mouth shut many times when she did turn 18 and 19 and beyond and she made choices I would never make.

But oh my--still, there is almost nothing harder in this life than letting go of our children. I mean, truly letting go. Standing back and watching them make their own mistakes. Not saying "If you would only have listened to me." Being a support instead of a know-it-all nag.

Only if you've been there can you know what I'm talking about.

Yes, we can still offer advice, and yet that advice needs to come from a heart led by God's wisdom and His timing--not by a clingy, controlling heart. The difference is wild and huge.

I'm thankful that I read that passage in that book while I still had time to get used to this idea of letting go. It saved me from making 1,000 mistakes.

I think I only made 500 mistakes, instead. シ

Looking now at the good relationship we have with Naomi, I'm thankful that with God's help, I was able to give Naomi her freedom when the right time came. Not in a lump sum, but year after year, a little at a time, until the line was so extended that she was already quite far out in the Lake of Life when the final snip! of the line took place.

And it didn't hurt as much as it could have or as deeply as we thought it would.



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