Basement Theory

Tom and I have one huge, messy basement.

I'm not kidding. I'm being truthful. We've tried cleaning and organizing it many, many times, but still, it's a big fat mess.

This morning I realized why the basement never gets cleaned out. It's because somewhere inside I'm thinking, "If only Tom would get rid of his junk! The basement would look better and be more organized because my junk isn't really junk at all. It's all good, necessary stuff. Tom's stuff is the problem."

And somewhere inside Tom, he is thinking the same thing, only about my stuff.

So of course you know what happens in the meantime, right? Nothing. The basement remains, year after year, a mess.

This Basement Theory used to be a parallel of our Marriage Theory. My thinking was, "If Tom would only get rid of his junky attitudes then things would be fine. I'd no longer get angry or frustrated about all his annoying faults if only he would get rid of all his annoying faults."

And of course, Tom was thinking the same thing, only about my annoying faults.

So guess what? We kept arguing about the same annoying things year after year and nothing changed. Just like Basement Theory.

But surprise, surprise... Changes finally happened in our marriage when I finally began letting God clean out my half of our relationship. When I stopped waiting for Tom to change first, and instead, let God tear me down and then build me back up the right way---miracles happened.

Real big miracles, like-- I could just close the closet door without slamming it and thinking Tom was leaving it opened on purpose to prove he didn't have to do what I ask...

...and if he didn't like the dinner I'd made--I no longer took it to mean he hated every thing I had ever cooked our whole married life...

... and if he wanted to go out alone-- I could stay home and have a nice, peaceful time, and allow Tom some space-- instead of thinking he just wanted to get away from me.

...and on and on to infinium...

It was funny how Tom immediately began changing when I did. I mean, it was like God began changing my eyesight and I looked at Tom differently. Because I'd started looking at what needed to change in me, Tom's faults no longer looked huge. My own faults looked huge because I'd finally let God point them out to me.

Humility shows you what you never had the courage to look at before. And if you don't get blown away by the horrible things you see in yourself, God helps you leave those horrible things behind and He gives you better stuff, instead. But only if you don't get mired down and trapped in condemnation. Heaven help you if you do that.

And oh, the changes which have come to our home since Humility made his appearance. Changes to both Tom and myself. Changes to our marriage.

We're still waiting for the changes to the basement, though.