My post yesterday may have left you with the impression that, while 'wasting time with God,' I've had nothing but fun and good times.
Well, mostly. But not always.
You see, there was the Friendship Test and that one was rough. Have you taken that test yet? For years--like, all my life up till age 35--I thought friendship was the best thing since peanut butter.
See, my family moved every three years, or less, while I was growing-up. My dad was a minister who it seemed, could only put up with the same people for less than three years. And the older I got, the more painful each move became, especially since I was oh so shy. Starting over in a new school was torture. And then moving away again just as I was forming close friendships? Well, that felt like the end of the world.
Back in those days (the 70's), when you moved, you seldom again saw the people you'd left behind. But I was a faithful letter-writer and through all the years and all the moves I collected pen pals from the towns I'd moved away from.
At age 19 I met Tom and we were married four months later (kids, don't try this at home. heh.). Well, anyway, one of our earliest, most memorable arguments occurred when one afternoon Tom got to the mailbox before I did and then teasingly kept my letters out of my reach. He knew I devoured my mail and because of that, he wouldn't hand me three letters I'd received.
Big mistake. Let's just say that's when he discovered for certain that my friends were my lifeline and letters were what I was living for.
Fast-forward sixteen years, a few more moves and thousands of letters from old friends and coffee house chats with new ones. Basically I had become a friendship-aholic. Like some alcoholics, I was able to hide my dependency from most people--I could play it cool around even my friends. But Tom and Naomi probably saw through much of it.
(I am sparing you so many details.)
But sometime during those hours of 'wasting time with God' the subject of my extreme need of friends popped up. He started confronting me with some heavy-duty truth. Basically, God started telling me that in order for Him to become my closest friend, I had to start coming to Him first when I needed a friendship fix. First. Every time.
Initially, that was hard. Everything inside me was screaming, "But I need my real-in-the-flesh friends!"
But slowly, over time--wonderful time-- it worked. I kept going to Him first again and again. And slowly, God became my best friend. And there was peace. Calm. Fulfillment.
And ten years later, it's all still here. He's the best, the only, 24/7 friend this gal could ever have.
And now He lets me have all the friends I want because I can keep their friendship in perspective. He's not afraid I'll turn back into that sorry, sad friendship-horder. And neither am I.
******
"...but David encouraged himself in the Lord his God..." 1 Samuel 30:6
Oooooo .... confessions ....
ReplyDeleteThe Hebrew word yadah is translated in the NIV and other versions as Confess and Give Thanks and Praise.
Isn't that just so neat to have them all there in one big moment of worship. We praise as we confess as we give; all in one. I believe this also means we can't praise if we: hold onto our weaknesses in depending on our own inventions to support our existence instead of him; and if we are not thankful toward and for him and his provision toward us. He has said of himself, “I am a jealous God”. Yet, how gracious he is in ever so patiently drawing us to himself and away from our idol-like co/dependencies. Man! Have I ever learned that this last year, or so.
Nice post, Debra, very meaningful and encouraging. I am sure your relationship with your Lord has deepened as you have honoured him in responding to his call.
I am also touched by your revelation about your moving about as a child. Perhaps this experience and its emotional consequences is reflected ever so subtly, and not necessarily intentionally, in several of your other posts from time to time,
Nice to be reading here, and thanks for dropping by mine and leaving something for me to pick up on my way up the stairs.
Peter
aaawwwww Debra . . . that is so good . . . you have certainly come to know yourself . . . i'm not as smart yet, but the Lord is working on me!!!
ReplyDeletei too moved around ALOT (from grade 1 to 6, only grades 3 & 6 were in the same school and in grade 4, i was in 4 different schools and 2 different towns) . . . and WOULD YOU BELIEVE, i met leo at age 20, and married him 4 months later!!! i was a going to bible college (2 years in) and he was a relapsed roman catholic who needed the Lord (the salvation of his soul came 3 hard years later) . . . that's a story for another time . . .
it is wonderful how the Lord brought you to where you are . . . i really appreciated this post!!! thank you for being so honest . . . saija