I sat again in our darkened sunroom tonight,waiting for Tom to return home from work. And again, the peace was palpable.
I considered the decades I wasted complaining about anything that didn't go as I thought it should. I ruined many weeks complaining about Tom's 12-hour shifts, the insane power plant hours and the years we lived in Nevada where I didn't see him for days because his job was 100 miles away out in the desert (he'd be gone 4 days at a time). Then on the four days in a row that he'd get off, I'd spoil them by complaining about the days he'd been away.
Poor Tom.
I did have sense enough to try not to complain in front of Naomi. I do remember feeling so grateful that she remained with me while Tom spent all that time in the desert.
But sadly, during my early 30's I complained and whined about Tom always wanting to go someplace after he got home from the desert. After being stuck out there in a trailer with no place to go (literally), he liked to, after returning home, drive to Reno which was an hour away from us. But I hated big cities (still do), so I'd choose to stay home and he'd go alone. And then he'd return from shopping and relaxing in the big city and I'd be waiting at the door to complain some more.
And some more. About how long he'd been in the city. About anything. Everything.
Then he'd leave again for that desert job and I'd wonder why I was so unhappy.
Duh.
Finally in my late 30's I stopped complaining so much--and not just because we were no longer living in Nevada. Even here, where we live now, there were many things to complain about. It's so easy to complain about anything wherever we may life--and in any situation.
And wonder of wonders-- when I stopped the constant complaining, life got better. The less I complained, the happier I became.
Looking back, my past stupidity is now crystal clear. It got all muddied in the middle of it-- much of life seems cloudy while I'm in the middle of it, especially when I pretend not to see.
But now there is peace. Like I said--the palpable kind--and Life is sweeter than I ever imagined it could be.
***
"It is a general popular error to suppose the loudest complainers for the public to be the most anxious for its welfare." ...Edmund Burke
Learning contentment is one of life's most difficult lessons...at least for me. I've always tended to look beyond my boundaries and wish for more or different, instead learning to appreciate what I had around me. I guess that's why I like what Paul writes to the Philippian believers. He doesn't say "I have learned to be content whatever state I am in." He says, "I AM LEARNING." It gives me hope. It's one lesson that spreads itself out across the journey. I'm glad you're finding palpable peace!
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