Thursday, August 04, 2011

The Behind The Scenes Stuff. We've All Got It.

You should see my house right now.

No, you really shouldn't. Boxes and guitar cases and amps, oh my! And it will remain this way for three or four more weeks. What a test for my must-have-order-and-control personality.

Man, this waiting to move away is difficult because this time I'm awaiting a return to my real life. To the real me and happiness I do not have to create myself, but rather, the kind that just falls on me like it used to. Like it seemed to, anyway, during my enchanted 40's.

I'm waiting for a fresh start and to get away from this farm where so many sad things took place. Though of course, it's not this house's fault that too many cats and friends and yard animals died these past 3 short years, nor is it to blame for Tom's being downsized or Naomi's break-up from Carl nor Tom's mom's heart attack or his parents now spending their final days in a hospital.

Nor do I blame it for Naomi's losing part of her van's brakes last night (she's ok, thank-goodness, but couldn't come home), nor my current sadness--the impending any-hour-now death of my former high school teacher's wife. I've been in-touch with this man (who taught me writing secrets) by snail mail, email and now Facebook for 36 years and it's hurting me that he's hurting while slowly losing his still-young wife (she's around 67), the woman he's adored for 41 years.

I understand you can't blame a house for all that.

But still. I need to start over in a fresh place. Perhaps that's subconsciously why I chose a house which was gutted and totally made brand new inside--for after all--I used to hate that 'it's-all-unlived-in' look. But now? When we thought we might lose Hobbit Cottage I told Tom, "You understand, don't you, that from now on I'll need to live in surroundings which scream, 'we're brand new!', right?"

Now I get that, too. The need to begin again in a new place, to rest my head from all the drama and sadness, to not feel pressured to fix more things and to leave the old, behind. Some people can do that anywhere, but for me, this time anyway, I need new surroundings and a fresh start with some fresh hope.

Anyway, this is meant as a reminder that all of us, at any given time, have behind-the-scenes stuff going on (even when we're not venturing a word about it). All of us bloggers and our neighbors, relatives, troubled people in the news and folks pushing around their carts at the supermarket. Nobody is getting out of this world not only alive, but without experiencing hard, hair-pulling, hang-your-head times.

May we never believe otherwise.  May we never covet another person's life and may we always be ready to encourage our fellow-sufferers with the kindest of words and deeds. Yes, even in the middle of our pain, for it's in giving that we receive. Always. Even if our gift is ever so tiny, for God has ways of multiplying our smallest of offerings, especially when they were the best we could give during our own time of need.


"A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pitchers of silver." ... Proverbs 25:11


John 14:16

"And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby), that He may remain with you forever--"

"When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near."   ... Luke 21:28



Odie Langley said...

Sorry to know about your teacher's wife. That's a long time for two people to be together. I hate waiting for anything so I know where you are coming from Debra. Hang in there girl and come see me at The Simple Life

Anonymous said...

Tis true...we are helped ourselves by extending help to another, even if in dire pain ourselves. Funny, never heard a great deal growing up, as to how much adjusting life would take at the farther end of it...only heard of the adjustments when one married...not so sure there are not more however in the later years.

Blessings on your move, Elizabeth

Morning's Minion said...

Moving is such upheaval--physical and emotional--even when we hope it gets us where we need and want to go.
In our last move I left behind cherished heirloom plants [under three feet of snow] and the little graves of animals whose memory is dear. I chose to look resolutely ahead as we lumbered out of the snowy dooryard--better that than risk more 'feelings' than I could handle at that moment.
Those first weeks in a new to us space are awkward--we don't even know where the bathroom light switch is in the dark! I hope you'll quickly 'find' youselves and be settled.