Thursday, June 23, 2011

Knowing When to Say When

I forgot to tell you something.

The very first time I glimpsed this house online:

.... my heart began pounding. Really. And never once during the previous hundreds of houses nor the ones afterward, did that happen again.

So the pounding was rather like a sign, though let me stress this: I didn't seek after a sign. It just happened.

And when we actually stepped inside the house, I felt as though I'd come home. Everything felt right about it, except well, that beyond-tiny second bedroom. But after we decided, later, we could add a wall and a French door to the Florida room to use as (what would amount to) a third bedroom, everything felt ok. Especially after we also discussed creating a retro gameroom up in the huge barn loft. What fun!

Except Tom wanted to keep looking at listings. He'd not yet searched through hundreds of available houses as I had, and too, he needed convincing that I could not mentally and emotionally survive in a city, even though he believed he'd survive just fine.

Through much whining, I convinced him.

And although (I told myself) it's true that real love thinks of the other person (and I should be thinking of Tom's wanting city life), there's also knowing oneself and knowing you'd literally shrivel-up in an environment God never gave you the Grace to live within.

Oh, the things I've learned on this farm. Oh, the mistakes they will help me avoid in the future.

So anyway, Tom kept house-searching even after we shared exciting plans about the dear little grey house. But yesterday evening? He became officially Sick Of Looking Beyond The Obvious and said, "Let's just call Cher right now to put in an offer on that (grey) house." I told him, "No, I want you to sleep on it. After all, just one hour ago you wanted to buy a mansion."

So that is where we are. It's morning and I've not yet asked Tom if he still wishes to make an offer on The Sweet Grey House, but I've a feeling he does.

Those of you who wanted us to buy the mansion, well, you crack me up. Only if *you* lived in that neighborhood would I go for it. Why? Because I'd make you work and paint alongside me. :) 

No way could I handle a project like that at this time in my life. Oh, I'm much better suited to decorating than running a farm--yes! But I'm also certain I plain no longer desire to give myself to a house. I used to want nothing more, but that season passed away. Now I want something else.

I'd rather give myself to you. And to prove that point, this morning I awoke at 4:30, opened my Facebook page and saw that a young friend of mine (someone I've not seen since just before her marriage 12 years ago) asked me to call her because of a family emergency. And you know? At first I thought, "Oh dear. After this past week I'm feeling so depleted and as if I'm in recovery." (I didn't even get out of my pajamas yesterday. Good grief.) "I feel like I have so little to give her right now."

And that, dear friends--for me-- is pathetic. A danger sign. Totally opposite of where I want to be and the big reason why I cannot even consider buying a huge house.

My greatest desire is to live ready to encourage people. At any moment, morning, noon or evening, any week, any month, any year.

It's all about living true to God's calling for you, personally.  And, well, if He's called you to decorate a huge house, you are blessed! (Yes!) But I feel blessed, too. I love what He's called me to do--and if we get that sweet little house--I'll be freer to carry out that calling to the best of my and Grace's ability.

I can hardly wait.


Something else very important that I forgot to tell you? That little grey house is on a quiet, dead-end street and guess what lies at the end, just five houses away?

Give up?

The Erie Canal.

Yes! And our potential neighbor said there are trails on both sides and you can even walk to the next country town if you wish. There's even a tiny park a short distance away at the canal's edge. In fact, as we stood speaking with him, three people walked past, dragging a small boat behind them. He said they take their boat down to the canal often.

Oh happy day! Places to walk again. Sidewalks, even. I so need that.


Elizabeth asked some good questions in my comment box which I answered (or tried to). You may want to check them out in case you, too, have questions about all this zaniness.  :)


P.S. Carla--welcome back! I'm so glad you found me again. :)

And K.E. --thanks for your advice! It helped us decide some good things.


Odie Langley said...

It would seem that you are getting close.

Tracy said...

Debra, I don't blame you one tiny bit for not wanting a huge house! I don't want one's just more to clean and to heat/cool. :)

This grey house was adorable. I am excited to see if you & Tom bid on it or not. :)

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you will still have some projects to keep you busy for quite some time!! And the location does sound great!! And can't Tom still drive to the city when he wants to do "city things"? We go up to the city to shop every few months...and we are always glad to come back to the small town!! Having a nice big freezer works well for us, in taking advantage of some of the better city shopping, etc. And for bigger items, like computers, furniture, etc.

Will Naomi move there too?

Blessings and hope it comes out well for all!! Elizabeth in NC

Debra said...

Odie--yes, finally does. :)

Tracy--exactly. In my 'old age' cleaning house isn't quite as much fun as it used to be. :)

Elizabeth--Tom, ideally, wanted to be closer to his specialist who he sees probably around 7 times a year, but to be very close, we'd have to live in the city. We're currently 24 miles away and now will be 30, but as I told him, occasionally we can use those doctor days as fun times to stay in a cute motel and do some shopping before returning home. He thought that was a good idea.

And no, Naomi will not be moving with us. :) That country place will be way too far from her jobs and the house would be too small (1100 sq. ft.) for all of us and her three cats and the two we hope to get, also. :)

Thanks, Everyone! ...Debra

Debra said...

Oh! And Elizabeth--out there, our supermarket would be closer than it currently is and there's an Aldi's next to it, as well, which is terrific. Then just ten miles farther there's good ol' WalMart (still in the countryside) and other city-type places, too. Though the one thing missing is a Dunn Tire shop and Tom wanted one of those nearby, but we'd have to hit that on our doctor/city days. Basically, the new location, though, is better than our current one all-around--we'll just have to shift the towns we visit and shop at, if you know what I mean.


Lisa in Texas = ) said...

I think the little grey house sounds perfect for you guys. Praying that God will open the right doors for you guys! Thanks for sharing your journey with us. It has been fun hearing about your house hunting fun and not so much fun.
Lisa :O)

Anonymous said...

Hey that all sounds do-able!! And yes, Aldis is a very helpful place when trying to cut grocery expenses. We live too far from one here, but there is one in the town where we now drive 45 minutes for a dentist (to save gobs of money plus we like him) we shop those days anyway. Yea, been seeing him more as old age with teeth wearing out is happening!

Well, most women prefer not to share the daughters need their own then. Ours is moving out in July...I hope to a good safe spot!! She has stayed a long time, but we worry, being to her being able financially to make it, as well as other concerns.

Blessings on your move...that part is one I HATE but we will be ere long as well.
Elizabeth in NC