Saturday, November 20, 2010

That I May Know Him

Back in 1994, God began a huge work in me. A re-working to undo and unravel the Christian Debra I proudly created for 24 years after 'getting saved' at 11.

For two years of Sunday afternoons (nearly every one) God asked me drive back to our church auditorium (I had a key), after our Sunday meal at home, and just sit with Him for hours. We'd sit together in silence there upon the chairs or lie on the carpet and just be. Together.

And during the weekdays of those years I spent hundreds of hours alone with Him at home. He 'performed surgery' on me, pulled the junk and wrong teachings and misconceptions out of my heart. Then, while lying back on my little love seat in my room, He'd heal those incisions.

For two years this went on, this and lots more just between Him and myself. Testings, corrections, hugs after failures, smiles after successes and love. He slowly became my Audience of One and always the love was thick, surrounding me like tangible light, keeping me returning to the room for more, then later, noticing I could walk in it now, everywhere.

And since 1994, because of Him, because of the work He's done on me and continues to do, I've never been the same. Everything changed and I've never wandered back to my old haunts of depression, hopelessness and from-the-soul loneliness.

Never, in all these 16 years.

Now. Some of you are wondering, "What... Is she saying I must spend all those hundreds of hours locked away with God like that? Well, wouldn't that be nice, but I certainly don't have that kind of time!"

And well, no. I'm not saying that and frankly, I don't think God is saying that to you, either.

But most likely, He is saying something.

I didn't know permanent healing until I did what the Permanent Healer asked me to do. I didn't know daily joy existed for us normal, not-saintly folks until I obeyed God's directions for me, personally.

But obedience brought about miracles. And Presence brought the type of healing which never goes away, but keeps me strong, out of dark, scary ditches and healthy enough to help others.

We get so distracted and think, "Oh! But I must help this other person right now and visit that other lady and pray for all my friends and their friends and race over there and put out that fire and lecture that neighbor about God's goodness and memorize those Bible verses and read all those New Testament chapters and stop talking so much and--

--and we end up all folded in pieces upon the floor because we never stopped long enough to obey. To be healed in Presence. And never realizing, we spend years trying to give away what we never really had, ourselves.

Oh to stop long enough to know Him for ourselves. Oh, the miracles of change awaiting.


There is a slowing of the heart, a turning of the ear to listen, a pause accepted which can change the future.


Odie Langley said...

Such wisdom girl. I promise I will take it seriously.

FaerieMama said...


fawngilmorekraut said...

Beautiful. And so true. And so necessary, especially for those of us who grew up Christians. I'm on a similar path and I so love how you expressed it Debra. I think you and I starting getting "raveled" together, so it's fitting that we're both getting unraveled on separate sides of the continent together too.

Makes me happy.

Deborah Raney said...

Debra, you need to add a little check box that says "amazing" because this post was.

Sara said...

So wonderfully true. Somehow we've turned Christianity into a team sport when at its center, it cannot be. Praying for Tom and as you mentioned on Friday, loving the morning...