So it was Saturday morning and I was fixing my hair at the bathroom mirror and I thought, "Hmm. Right now I look about as good as it gets nowadays. I should have Tom take a picture of me."
Well, something dreadful must have unknowingly happened to me between the time I stepped from the bathroom to the dining room where I gave the camera to Tom. Why? Because each of the pictures showed a frumpy, tired-looking middle-aged woman.
I hate it when that happens.
Gah! It's such a weird thing to feel like you're 30, pretty and physically-fit inside your skin and yet on the outside look about 60. And tired and fat. And it's rather wild to have a 30-year-old daughter, too, when you, yourself, feel only 30. "How can this be?," you often ask yourself.
Acceptance of how one looks--I think I'm still parked there. (I know, I know.) I've accepted the fact that I reached 50 (took me a whole year. Seriously), but I still can't quite accept that I look the way I look (there's a reason my Facebook photo is from 14 years ago and my blog photo isn't even me). That is taking some time.
Time! I'm always wanting to hurry people through their healings, but may this remind me that--often--time is required to work through various personal crisis' and God does not shove and push us along.
God is so not in a hurry.
And in the meantime? I'm trying my best to stay far away from guilt and condemnation about the part I've played in how I've aged, for they only worsen things. I mean, there's the consideration of my genetics and pollution and all that, but there's also the way I've eaten (too much sugar ages you, you know, as well as carrying around excess weight), sun exposure and the way I've handled Life's crisis' emotionally. Those kinds of things are within my power, (or God's power within me), to either handle with wisdom, calmness and trust or a raging kind of upset, non-acceptance or non-caring (as in, letting myself go).
So often the choice is mine--how will I react? And how will I treat this God-given body of mine?
Ah, so much responsibility. So little time.
And don't even think about asking to see those pictures of me. :)
Galatians 6:7-8: "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.