Sometimes I feel restless and I've no idea why. Down through the years I've, at times, walked through my house and my days with plenty of energy, but no idea how to use it. It's like I have everything, yet something is missing. I should be busy and content, but all I could be doing sounds, well, so been-there-done-that boring.
Ever been there, yourself?
I'm thinking those days (or weeks) are Cocoon Days, days which come after I've mindlessly become wrapped and wound in threads of habit, threads of wrong thinking, threads of fear of the unknown and ones from ignoring conviction. It's so tight and rather caustic inside those cocoons and annoying, too, when I realize God's wanting me to burst right out of them, but I'm not certain as to just how.
I mean, it's simple to wander into ruts--ones we believe are good and nice-- and stay there, comfortably, and refuse to grow. And it's confusing when our daily rituals appear anointed and joyful for a couple years and then suddenly they feel flat and ho-hum. It's the easiest thing ever to eat wrong foods and not get enough sleep and watch bad-for-us things and read bad-for-us books--and then wonder, "Why don't I feel happy like I used to?" And it's scary when what we've believed since childhood suddenly appears askew, a bit 'off,' but we're afraid to release those beliefs, even when we're thinking that's exactly what God is urging us to do.
It's hard to admit our thinking's wrong, or that we have no real control over many of our circumstances, that we've less years to live than the ones we've already lived and that everything isn't as black-and-white as it appeared when we were in our 20's. It's confusing when what used to work for us, no longer works at all.
And sometimes, it's those kinds of threads which can wind and wind around us and keep us in bed or on the couch or with our noses in books or our eyes solely in the tv or computer worlds.
But of course, God always has something better.
There's a reason He wants to grow us up and burst us right through those cocoons we've gotten ourselves bound up in. Why? Because He makes all things new. Always, there are new ways of thinking, ones which bring freedom and a whole new life, even if we are still living in the same old house and town. He's the expert on pulling us out of Same Ol' Same Ol' Mire and Boring Days and Life-Shortening Habits.
And well, if this all sounds a bit confusing, let me put it this way: If you are feeling a confusing, vague sense of discomfort--rejoice! Most likely God is all over you at this moment, prodding and poking, doing anything to release you from your restrictive, homemade cocoon. Probably He's got something new and custom-made just for you, perhaps a whole new way of seeing, being and doing. Why? Because that's the kind of great God He is. He's all about rescuing us from ourselves.
"And the day came when the risk (it took) to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." ... Anais Nin