Oh happiest of Sundays... Well, it all began on Saturday, actually.
See, since late September I've felt so annoyed, overwhelmed, and bothered by everything. (You may have noticed.) Every dollar we spent on this money pit (heh) felt like one-hundred, every time I dropped something it seemed I'd lost all Grace and every tiny deal felt like a big, hairy huge one. It became easier to count my problems because they seemed to way, way outnumber my blessings and there was a new problem every hour (it seemed).
I tried to shake that cloud inside my head. I kept reminding myself of that 'anger zaps all your serotonin' thing and I told myself to calm down and relax and eat better and exercise and forgive and take days off and don't worry--well, you know. But mostly all I could do was move over a bit on the couch so God could sit beside me while I wondered what in the world was going on. And sometimes I would hear Him assure me that this would not last forever--and I'd close my eyes and whisper, "Thank-goodness."
Maybe you know what I'm talking about. Maybe you don't. But all I can say is that after seven weeks (or so) finally, on Saturday morning, the cloud lifted. It dissipated...poof! And oh my goodness...how good to feel good again! It was even dark, cloudy and rainy all day but still, still the light inside my head kept burning. It was like one of those 'suddenly' things my favorite teacher speaks of sometimes. How your life can feel like a hopeless mess for months and then suddenly! You're given hope and light and grace and things don't look so bad at all.
Of course, I've tried figuring it all out. Why yesterday? What did I do differently? At first I thought it was because I'd eaten lots of foods with tryptophan on Friday and had also doubled my daily dose of Vitamin B Complex. And maybe it was this or that or this or that, I reasoned.
But today? Today I'm thinking the weeks-long cloud was a combination of things, some which I understand, some which I don't. Maybe it was an attack of sorts--the main reason I keep this blog is to encourage others so sometimes--I've experienced in the past--satan tries to discourage me. And maybe it was a season of needing to stand on what I've learned and know to be true, even without a whole lot of help from good feelings carrying me along.
And I'm thinking part of it is that (er, hmm, should I mention this?)--in September I officially became menopausal. And well, that means I have this 'new' body which I need to feed with more sterling diligence and a whole lot less sugar... and I need to take it around the block for some exercise, as well.
I'd grown sloppy in both areas. Was even being awakened at night and convicted like crazy.
But all I know--even without making huge changes yet (but I will, I will)--today I feel like my old self. My good ol', Pollyanna self. And not only am I grateful beyond my ability to say so, but trust me, Tom is thankful too, poor guy. He's thrilled that the whiny, worried, overwhelmed Debra left yesterday and he's hoping she'll not be back.
I'm sharing all that for those of you who may also have a dark cloud inside your head right now. Hang in there... "Suddenly miracles" do still happen... but only after we've waited awhile in trust and hope. And in the meantime try to do whatever God is convicting you to do... He understands our individual bodies and minds expertly, inside, outside, upside-down.
"Having done all to stand, stand....."
Oh! If you have time, you may want to check out a lovely home here. Color me utterly inspired.