Monday, April 28, 2008


Man oh man oh man. Just call me The Impatience Poster Girl.

I simply cannot wait to get into that farmhouse and play farmgirl! And I'm missing out on springtime in the country, too... drats... I've practically been pacing around this apartment for a week. Or when I do sit and even study farm life how-to books, that only makes me more wild to actually get out there and experience that life for myself.... and I jump up and pace some more. Or take a walk. Anything to channel this energy.

Sigh.

You know what impatience is, don't you? It's a form of pride. No, really.... And if you balk at that, I understand. I mean, when I first heard my favorite teacher say those words, I did some balking, myself. "Impatience, a form of pride? How so?"

Well, she went on to illustrate. Suppose you're standing in the checkout lane at the supermarket and the clerk is incredibly slow, perhaps because she's new to the job or perhaps, she's just, well, slow. If you become impatient and start tapping your toes or sighing or making comments to your fellow line-waiters, then actually what you are thinking/saying is one or more of these things, "I shouldn't have to wait. I don't deserve this kind of treatment. If I was doing that job, I could do it much faster." ...etc...

(Ouch! Funny how I always smile now and think of those lines when I end up in the slowest line. Which is, like, most every time I try to choose the fastest line.)

And well, there's some pride, also, in my wanting to get into that farmhouse right this very minute. It comes to me what I'm really thinking deep down is, "I shouldn't have to wait. I can't stand this. I've already waited for, oh, 35 years for this. And why does New York state have to complicate the whole escrow process, making it take two months and requiring a lawyer be in on it as well? If I were Queen, I would make the whole thing super-easy and super-quick." ...etc....

But worse, God's been telling me since we decided to buy this farmhouse that I should just relax these last few weeks in our apartment because it's going to be my last chance to relax for a very long time. What with how much work I'll be putting into that place.

And you'd think I'd be happy to accept those instructions and just rest. But nooo...... I have to question God's instructions, (Does He really mean for me to take it easy?) and push myself, even though there's not much around my tiny, temporary home to actually push myself into doing.

And questioning the wisdom of God is the ultimate form of pride.

Big sigh.

Well, fortunately God is patient with me. And too, I love learning what not to do and how not to be... that's what makes the majority of my days feel like college days. There is so very much to learn in this life and may I never stop learning it!

1 comment:

sheila said...

um, you can't be Queen if I'm the Queen, right, LOL?!

sigh...I struggle with putting My Will and My Wants ahead of the Lord's all the time...

right now, in our home, we're still working on making our home fit...and that means projects...and sometimes that means a lot of projects...trust me, there is always a List...and my Self makes it difficult to just sit and enjoy what we've already accomplished without seeing all that we have yet to accomplish...

I'm tryin' very hard to let some of that go...


like you, I'm glad he is patient and loving...because, honestly, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't put up with me if I truly were The Queen...