Thursday, March 22, 2007

Feeding the Hurt or the Healing?

Each month, Tom and I taste retirement life. He gets 7 or 8 days off from work in a row and we spend too much time together, accomplish little, eat sloppily (as in, nowhere vaguely close to healthy), watch scandalous hours of tv and generally make each other nuts.

This has been one of those weeks.

So yesterday morning I had to get away. I drove to Burger King, bought a small decaf and an order of hash browns (which surprise me always, when they arrive in little circles since my brain gets stuck in past eras when they were served in a rectangle)... and then drove over to the river. Really a bit nippy to be sitting in the car, but the sun glowing through the window beside me helped.

And while I listened a couple more minutes to Patty Griffin's song, Rain, (not wanting to zap the battery and get stuck there), something occurred to me for the first time.

Years ago, I used to travel to rivers or places in the desert (while in Nevada) in order to feed my hurts. I'd listen to songs which fed my sadness and dwelled on thoughts and memories which made me feel sadder, too.

But now I drive to the river (or Barnes & Noble or Starbucks) to feed my healing. I dwell on what is going right and I let God sit beside me and cheer me up.

What a difference! And it partly explains why I'm experiencing whole strings of better, more emotionally-steady, feet-on-level-ground days.

Who would have thought?

Psalm 143:10
"Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground."


One good thing? We discovered that the first season of the old Perry Mason series is out on dvd. We borrowed it from our library--how clever and interesting these are... We love the sumptuous vintage stuff--the cars (oh, those roomy or sporty vehicles!), the home furnishings, the nightclubs and the lovely classic clothes. We pay almost as much attention to those as to the plot!

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