Sunday, February 25, 2007

Flinging My Stuff To The Winds of Change

Of course, it can be scarey to watch yourself change.

That was my thought yesterday afternoon while I began Phase Two--the readying of our house to sell. You know, that phase where you stand and stare at your rooms with the eyes of a future buyer and then you walk around and pull pictures down from the walls and pack dusty trinkets away from your tabletops until you are left with an air of spaciousness and less-is-more.

That usually traumatizes people, but here's the part which surprised me-- I liked it. The less-is-more changes, I mean. The sun absolutely glared through the windows, just the way I love, and the more I put away, packed away and just released completely, the more giddy and free and pleased with my surroundings I felt.

I felt myself growing-up, willing to see, finally, that the hard part comes when I cling to, and move from room to room (and spot to spot), the person I once was. Especially when she takes up a lot of space.

Usually my older friends say the older they became, the less clutter they wanted surrounding them. They struggled with feeling weighted down by their stuff and desired, instead, to be in control of it... to be surrounded by a few sweet memories from the past, yes, but mostly to be reminded of where and who they are now and where they are going.

Yesterday I understood those things. Through making some changes I saw that I, myself, have changed and in putting away and flinging away old stuff, I've flung away some of the old me. I've shed some of her skin and now I feel--not sadly nostalgic--but lighter... as though each outside change is reflecting an inside one. And the more they match, the more peace I feel.

In all the shuffling around of stuff, I gave away even more books and trinkets and furniture--to share those things, as gifts, with unknown people who are where I was as close as even the day before. Those in a different place and time than where I am headed today.

And I saw this flinging way--my Phase 1-- is still unfinished. And now Phases 1 and 2 are mingling and both feel wonderful and oh so very freeing.

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