Monday, September 25, 2006

Well, No Wonder!

Sometimes I just don't feel right inside... not as peaceful or contented in my heart's deeper places.

Or sometimes I feel royally overwhelmed.

And then it comes to me, "Well, no wonder!"

...It's probably because God told me if I didn't have the tv or radio playing all day, I'd most likely hear Him better. And for two days I turned down the noise (of all kinds) in my life... but then... I 'forgot' and kept them playing in room after room of my home and head.

... or maybe it happened when I procrastinated answering my email, paying bills, exercising or cleaning house when Grace stood there to help me, but I chose to do something else, instead... and then surprise! My day turned dark and stressful and overwhelming instead of peaceful, like before, in the midst of my work.

... or maybe I lost my peace because God asked me to not check my blog so often for comments, but I made excuses and plowed ahead anyway... or because He asked me to listen to my favorite teacher on tape (because there was something specific I needed to hear), but I kept saying, "Oh, I will! As soon I finish this and this and this and this," until the day ended in night (and I'd not really finished anything).

... or when God told me not to share my negative opinion about that person, yet I shared it anyway...

... or perhaps it's because I ignored my conscience-- when it told me to stop drinking caffeine (gives me headaches), but I drank it anyway... when it told me not to have second helpings, but I did... when I spent money after it asked me to wait (or I waited when the money would've been wisely-spent)... or when it asked that I not nag my husband, but I felt he deserved it and nagged him anyway.

Well, duh! How funny-sad when I expect to feel the peace of obedience when all day long I've been disobedient in ways which seem small (when they are not small at all). How wildly foolish when I follow the map inside my own head when it is God who knows the way... when it is God who is the Way.

An obedient heart is always a good way to get my peace back. That, and repentance.

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